Pastor Wa's Blog

The whole feminist empower women so they can do without men Ideology leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Yes, i'm all for assisting women get things going and become successful at business and life. It is a worthwhile effort, should be applauded, supported and given all the power it can to succeed. But when those ideals are tied together with the bra burning, men trashing, independent women only ideology that seeks to minimize men to mating agents only on the planet. I cringe at the manifold display of ignorance towards men and their role in life. Because a good cause is used to propagate a tragedy. It is true there are men responsible for some serious pain in this world. There are women who are scarred for life in the hands of men supposed to be their protectors, providers and caregivers. I weep at the mere thought of little girls molested, women with battered bodies and other unspeakable evils done by men entrusted the responsibility to care. That shouldn't be, and it must be...

Relationships take work. Lots of it. And work is tiring. Infact we all work so we don't have to work. At least most of us do.We try as much as we can to separate between work and home life, and for the most part home is viewed as place of rest. Where we don't have to work again. Or at least not in the sense of applying ourselves hard. It's a hard reality to face, but needs to be faced nonetheless, because most people don't think of their current relationships as something that needs work. The natural progression of all things is towards disrepair and damage, relationships included. So it's always kinda strange when i hear people saying, "Things are not what they used to be." *Insert exasperated look*. What what did you expect? You haven't spent quality time with him/her, you keep unforgiveness and grudges, you laugh with your friends more, you are looking around and 'admiring' the handsome ones, the sex isn't all that, they are getting ...

Establishing autonomy, space and family identity is every married man's highest ambition. Men are not strange creatures, we just receive a great deal of validation from imparting our own identity and personal signature to things we consider our own. Probably stems from the command Adam got from God to name everything, and God actually honored every name Adam gave to creation. On the wedding day, the man imparts his name to his wife. All children bear the man's name as their family name. It is an awesome experience for a man when he sees his lineage going out there and doing significant things, because really, he figures, that it's him out there. But for this dynamic to fully be expressed and divulged in its fullness, the man must have his autonomy uninterrupted with and his freedom to express himself unfettered. With the current state of things due to men's irresponsibility and the absentee father, things have been going tough, especially for the married m...

Of course men do listen! While that in itself may sound like an oxymoron, (some people assume masculinity and deafness are synonymous) men do listen. For any woman to want to get through to a man, she must be willing to learn man-speak. How to talk that man's language. Before you castigate me for suggesting something else that women must do for a man, consider this.  Most men are raised NOT to be like women.  That is the single most challenging issue when it comes to men expressing themselves. We are not trying to be something, we are trying not to be something (Another whole story). So when a woman attempts to talk to a man like she talks to a woman, she will hit a wall. A brick wall. A rule you may want to consider is, think like a man to get through to him. Here's a few pointers: 1. Don't cut a man to size. Normally, when you do this, he will spend the time he should be using listening to you trying to collect his ego from wherever you knocked it. When you ...

The big debate that has raged on over time has always been, what point does the woman in a mans life hold. is she first? and if she is, are there relationships that the guy has that she cannot meddle in? and if she can't meddle, why? His job, his friends, his relaz, the kids.... bla bla bla. But the most emotive one, I've come across is the question of his mother. The mans mother. some of the biggest challenges in marriage and relationships between two people will be around in laws and especially the mother-in-law. In the African context, the mother is superior, the wife comes into the family and joins herself to them. She is not a priority nor is she as important as the mother. But really, how true to the laws of relationship and a healthy union is that principle? Every woman wants to be number 1 in her relationship with the man in her life. That rule, ladies and gentlemen, will NOT change. So when a man begins to court a woman and enter into a relationship with h...

So I was reading that Linda Muthama proudly calls herself Nyambane’s second wife. He is managing more than just her ‘music affairs’ as well. Has a baby by him and the usual blah blah… By the way, all this has happened a while back And of course as usual, it was fodder for the blogs and media. Worst of all, there were chics telling Linda to do what she wants, it’s her life. Now, I don’t know whether to just rant or try and put this entire mountain of a relationship stink-hog in perspective. Because something stinks. And it stinks to high heaven. Someone ought to call it what it is; Relationship bull. When a single young woman of notable influence in this country, goes ahead and becomes a second wife to a man of equal media exposure and women go ahead and cheer her on, something is wrong! Terribly wrong! You see the truth of the matter is; you single young thing, building a man, a marriage and a family is work. Loads of it. By the time you see a ‘made’ man, some of you ...

Personalities notwithstanding, there is a way to talk to Men. It may sound incredulous at first, but hang with me. It sometimes seems almost impossible to get through to a man's thick skull. It's like hitting your fist against a wall trying to have him listen, co-operate and fully grasp with intent everything you are trying to tell him. Well, here's the biggest mistake most women make in their attempt to talk to the masculine type. They talk to them like they talk to women. And it fails Every-time. Surprised? well, you shouldn't be. Men are different from women, especially when it comes to 'hearing'. By that, it's not just what you're churning from your mouth, nope. It's two critical components of any conversation. Tone of voice and body language. 1. When you talk to a man, make sure you get into his head before you start rolling. Men process one thing at a time. If a guys mind is on something, he may be looking at you, smiling at you, holding ...

First up, apologies for not posting for a while. My involvement with a new online project, plus looking for the elusive dollar has kept me away. But I'm back. So here goes! The golden age of fine wining and dining has seemingly been replaced by our quick instant lifestyles that allow very little time for anything. microwaves, email, instant coffee, MTV, Tyra Banks, Maina and Kingangi in the morning.... its all fast paced. And so has the approach to relationships become. Kila kitu ni chap chap. Including the meet-ups. We do twitter, Facebook, then Sms, by the time a week is over, we are having sex online. That's just how fast paced its become. But I'm not complaining about it, its just that now, because of how easy it is to meet someone and talk over gadgets without physically taking the effort to be there and work on the relationships, there is a group of young men who honestly have no idea on how to treat a woman. Zero Bilaz Wako dooooooooooown! So it...

Some people have no sense of respect whatsoever for other’s personal spaces Part of the challenge in being African and having all things in common is that people will tend to feel like they are responsible and have to have a say so in your life. Like it’s up to them to know and be involved with what’s happening to you. Now, this does one of two things 1.        1.  Creates very dependent people who cannot think or move without someone else saying so 2.         2.  Very frustrated individuals who have to put up with nosey ‘friends’ Let’s talk about the second bunch. The others will be addressed later. If you are a private person, you want your personal time to be respected. Period. That’s not up for discussion. It’s your sanctuary. Your refuge. The place where all things that you are processing and sorting through in your mind and emotions get resolved. It’s an extremely crucial thing that your personal time is not meddled with. By ...

When people believe stuff, especially when it’s taught them during a needy time of their life, they can tend to give allegiance to levels that would make you cringe. Unnecessarily What you believe determines your choices, that’s why in my work as a coach and pastor, I don’t try to change behavior. It never works. It never will. I choose to work smart. I investigate your beliefs and experiences. It doesn’t change that I still can’t stand people that make stupid choices in the name of Christianity. I refuse the notion that being a Christian and being dumb have anything in common. It’s actually the opposite Proverbs says it. It calls that being a fool, and terribly cautions us against it. So I can’t stand when people tell others not to do anything about relationships going bad or marriages on the rocks in the name of prayer and waiting on God Sorry but I don’t buy that. That’s monkey business God will not do your part in this life That’s why He says, ‘come we reason together’ Otherwise wh...

Women are entrusted with an incredible gift. I believe it's from God. I honestly do. It's called intuition.  The dictionary defines it as; D irect perception of truth, fact, etc, independent of any reasoning process; immediate apprehension. Wow! I wonder how many women have sat down and thought this through. I wonder how many husbands have thought this through when they are about to make huge life changing decisions. Direct perception of truth! I think it was meant to protect women and their families from danger. Smart women use it. They understand what they have. And don't hesitate to employ it when the moment demands. And it does. Many many times. Every woman will face opportunities and situations where use of her intuition will become handy. Even lifesaving. An ability to have direct perception of truth, fact, etc., independent of any reasoning process; immediate apprehension. Gut feeling. Especially on matters of love. It seems to me women allow their feelings to...