So Does Age Really Matter?

So does age really matter?

A lady with a boyfriend  talked to me a while back. She was In a dilemma. She had prayed and waited for someone that would love her and make her feel special.

After many years and much waiting, that person eventually did come. He was handsome, tall, loved her, was funny, mature, responsible, made her feel like a girl… and craziest thing of all,  was dying to marry her. She couldn’t resist this was real, and she was falling. Fast.

The only problem was, this answer to her prayer was  11 years younger!

Bummer!

Or was it?

The question whether age matters will not go away. I’m not sure how it came about that women must be younger than the men they marry… and I will not even delve into that. The cultural aspect of that has been with us for ages.

So does age really matter?

Well get ready for it,

Yes

It does, otherwise this wouldn’t be such an emotion provoking subject

But it matters in ways much more different than we think. And as such is worth exploring and talking about.

I personally don’t think it’s a big deal to marry a woman a couple of years older or a man many years older.

It becomes a big deal if you make it a big deal. If it bothers you and you feel it will hinder your ability to relate, then it will be a big deal. And that is the bottom line.

The truth of the matter is, like any other difference in marriage, the age factor doesn’t determine the quality of marriage you will have if you have a predetermined decision to work through your issues together.  If you settle it beforehand know that if people ask you about it, you will tell them about it and move on, good.

If it bothers them, then it’s up to them coz you’ve already settled that aspect in your mind. Another thing, if you are married in such a situation, you cannot afford to make it the subject of your fights and/or disagreements.  Just like any other difference, and trust me, there are MANY in marriage, when age difference is used to attack your partners weakness or issues, it becomes a toxic barb that cuts deep and hurts the soul of the very marriage you are seeking to enjoy.

If you are a woman courting a man who’s younger, and things look good. You both want this to work, and are able to deal with the possible pressure of people questioning the age factor, I encourage you to go for it! Don’t just be swayed by people’s opinions!

If you are a man courting a woman many years your junior, you feel good about the relationship, and  are willing to deal with possible outcomes of others’ views, Take the plunge!

When it was time for me to get married, my dad gave me his take on the ideal situation sorrounding marriage. He said he believes a man should be 30 years old and the woman 26. He believed that at that point they both were mature enough to get into marriage. Oh, and another thing, he said I should have married a Kiuk.

He got dissapointed on both issues. I was 24 and she was Luo!

I knew what I wanted, I knew the stakes involved and was ready and willing to commit to them. Which is what makes marriage work.

Many sisters feel hindered back if they don’t find a man older than them to marry them. But I differ with popular belief that she should be younger. I think an older woman and a younger guy can make things work out great if that’s what they are after in marriage. Some people use the experience card to say that a woman needs a man that’s more experienced in the things of life. I say, I’d rather have a man to experience the things of life with. Others claim that a man matures with age, I don’t think so. Maturity comes with acceptance of responsibility. Other’s say that a woman will control her husband if he is younger. I say excuse me? Is there any woman that does not try to exert control over her husband? No Matter her ager? Come on!

Maybe it’s my nature that tends to love defying the ‘norm’ when I think there is a better way, but I seriously don’t think people should fuss about a woman 3,5,7 years older if they are in love and mature in tackling the ‘real’ issues of marriage.

If a man is 15 years older or so, then why wouldn’t that work? All that matters is that you find common ground, know the issues that would come with the age differences and be prepared to deal with them should they arise.

From a general, typical person living out what’s ideal to everybody else, people will always look at ya’ll like, Kwani how come youhad to marry a younger/older person? Not because they really care much. But just because common thinking seems to point to that as the ideal. I personally wouldn’t lose sleep over that, because if you want to make a marriage work, what brings you together must always be greater than what pulls you apart. If this is the case with you, and you find yourself torn between the expected norm and your present reality, may encourage you to close your eyes for a second, and ask yourself, why am I doing this?

Is it for my friends?

My mama?

My papa?

My community?

Or for me and the person I’ve fallen in love and want to settle down with?

Answer that and do what you need to do.

Don’t loose a chance of a lifetime to marry the love of your life just because some people feel otherwise.

I call that being s-t-o-o-p-i-d

It’s your Call!

End the debate once and for all

I’m just sayin….