It’s the church’s fault I’m still single! And I have evidence to prove it!
There are some pretty mad people out there. Not mad insane, mad Angry. Very angry. They have found out they were conned or taken. And the sad thing is, they believe it’s the church’s fault.
As a pastor, I’m bothered that the church has somewhat contributed to a lot of the singleness we see around, and to some extent, the relational messes we see people battling with.
Truth is; the church has brought a lot of healing and restoration to a lot of people in relationships. Probably more than we could ever quantify. I’m not minimizing that at all. But when we as church leaders put up ridiculous expectations on single young people, trying to control who they are and what they are to do, we limit their ability to interact with others and really put off any good chances of them finding marriage partners at the right time. No wonder we are being overrun with accusations of keeping aged caged frustrated singles!
I personally believe Marriage is up to us, not God. Because it involves free will. We make the choices, not God. And no one should interfere with that process; I don’t care how spiritual they are! And sadly, one of the places with the worst kind of control is church. So, now it’s full of desperate damaged dysfunctional single people.
FACT: There are enough men/women willing to marry you off! Don’t believe anything else. The truth is, they may not be in your church, your town, your country, Hey! They may not even be in your continent! When it’s time for someone to get married, I think its very wise and common sensical (if that’s a word) to become intentional about it. You should begin to relate with the opposite sex with very open options and intentions. I WANT TO GET MARRIED!
From listening, this is what us (Pastors, church leaders, et al) are being accused of, and I have a feeling we may be guilty as charged
1. We’ve made any form of interaction limited to prayer meetings, cell meetings, bible studies and other ‘ministry’ related events. We all know, real relationships are formed when people are living life in a kawa way. Travelling, shopping, weddings, funerals, outings etc. Singles must be out there interacting without ‘bible verses, sanctification, edification, demonization and all that super-spiritual jargon’ flying around!
2. We’ve told them wanting to get married is a misplacement of priorities. Excuse me? How do you tell a hungry person that wanting to eat is a misplacement of priorities? Huh?
3. We’ve made them feel guilty for having sexual feelings and desires. I won’t even go there. You will feel, want, and probably dream about sex and the pleasure it brings. It’s not satanic; it’s how we are MADE!
4. We’ve set ridiculous standards for potential spouses. How often does he fast? Has he gone through deliverance, has he joined bible class? Does he drive? How is his English? Eish! Rather than, is he a born again Christian that loves you?
5. We’ve complicated the process of finding/knowing the ‘Right’ one. What ‘Sign’ from heaven do you have to qualify to say that he/she is the right one? Sign? Did God confirm to you? Oh please! How about I love her/him? And want to spend the rest of my life with him?
6. We’ve insisted that brothers separate from sisters and keep it among gender based. Which simply means, they will rarely if ever meet the opposite sex. Shouldn’t the singles be encouraged to mingle consistently in relationships so as to both grow and get to meet?
7. We’ve shamed the one’s that have fallen into sexual sin as weak and the ‘devils’ agents instead of helping them heal and move on. That is exactly what our mission is. Mercy. When a soul falls into sin, we are to be God’s mercy to restore them. Sadly, wengi wamerudi nyuma, and the devil chews them like gum because we condemn rather than restore.
8. We’ve set ourselves as the final authority on matter regarding people’s futures, choices and destiny as though we are God himself. We tell them who they can or not marry; that they are missing God, that it’s not time for them to be married… the list is as sad as it is endless…
These are charges I plead guilty to as a pastor, because I’ve seen them in a very real way. And the truth is, this shouldn’t be going on. It’s wrong. I believe the process to form relationships should be the most fun time of anyone’s life. And the church should be committed to releasing people to experience life and relationships in a real way, helping them get it right when they make mistakes, and mostly, removing the “RULES” that serve the interest of the leader but not the life of the singles as they seek to find love and marriage in life.
I’m just saying…
Comments
i'm pretty amazed to hear you admit to these 'sins' as a pastor.....cause well, it needed to be said. and not just for marriage partners, even career choice, ministry service, giving and lifestyle choices.
as a christian i will claim some of the blame.
simply because christians sit down and expect answers from the pulpit without even checking God's word as the standard.
christians who want to be spoon-fed and leaders who are happy to speak into their lives what they think is right. no one honors His word, and damage is done
He also guided some couples to be together saying He had heard God on their behalf. I saw hearts so disillusioned with this God who speaks that "so and so is your husband" but so and so has no idea.I saw others get into relationships because God had said through Pastor, only to experience much heartache and eventual collapse of the relationship. Single people - know and hear the Lord for yourself.