The Kenyan Tolerance Curse
Tolerance is a virtue. It enables us to keep our cool and not loose it when sometimes things don't go our way. I think in this world and this present times. It is a good thing to have.
However, i think tolerance has it's limits, and it also has to be selective. Simply because what you are willing to tolerate, you will eventually accept.
What really bothers me about the Kenyan situation is because of how much that tolerance towards others gets transfered to tolerance towards nonsense, foolishness, apathy, bad behavior and mannerlessness in relationships!
I mean the levels people are willing to go to put up with that kind of stuff is sometimes shocking. Husbands and wives that are putting up with adultery in their marriages, physical and sexual abuse, mistreatment, abandonment, neglect.... the list is endless. My question is and has always been. What really makes you think that sitting and wishing is really gonna fix relationship messes in your life? Huh?
Putting up with this kind of stuff in the hope that when the other party sees your 'humility' and 'forbearance' they will end up feeling sorry for you and change is hogwash. Period. There are things in life that go away by themselves like the common cold. But assigning relational issues to the same class is not just stupid, but really a neglect of the common sense that is drives relationships.
When you are in a relationship, the dynamics of change and growth are at play. Because the two are trying to get on the same page. Together. So if one of the parties is straying from the norms of relationship, your tolerance level should be low. Veeery low. Both partners should be aware of what the other will not put up with. Simply because it's damaging to them and the relationship.
It means i care enough about what we have together to call a timeout and say, Hey! What's going on here? Can we have a sit down and have an understanding about what just happened?
You hit me?
You cheated on me?
You called me names?
You are running a secret bank account?
You didn't come home last night?
You are still in touch with your ex?
You re on drugs?
You are looking at porn?
You are not looking for work?
You obeyed orders from your mother without checking on me?
And on and on the list goes....
I will not tolerate that. No way! Even if it's a slip up, we will have to talk about it, and get things sorted out.
Usually, by the time people are deciding to go their separate ways, it's usually too late because the damage has been done. Too much hurt, too much pain, too much brokenness. And sadly, the truth is that all this can be avoided
This does not need to be. If, and i mean IF, you called a time out the first time it happened and dealt with it. There would be less divorce cases, less heartbreak and damage. Why? Because tolerating bad behavior is not a virtue. On the contrary, it's allowing things to breed in your relationships that later become the monsters you can never deal with. It's like neglecting the weeds in your garden in the hope that they will die by themselves. Never works. Never will.
Our tolerance is a virtue on many fronts, and for that i'm grateful. But when it comes to foolishness, bad behavior, wrong choices and stupid thinking in relationships, we'd better lower that tolerance. Don't give room for things in your relationships that are gonna bear much hurt and pain later. Deal with them while they are still fresh. It may seem difficult now, but trust me, the rewards are enormous in the future. Because the boundaries are well defined and love and respect is established.
Remember, it's the little foxes that destroy the vine. Don't tolerate them. Get proactive today!
I'm just saying ....
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