Marriage REdefined

The institution of marriage has been here since creation. But, lately it has taken a knock. Some statistics say 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. Marital infidelity is on an all time high. We hear horror stories from married couples that shock and perhaps even repulse some of us singles. There is also the push for same sex marriages, open marriages, and come we stay unions. Everywhere, it seems like marriage is NOT what we’ve always thought it to be. But why is this? What is marriage? What is the purpose of marriage? Is marriage for everyone?

One of our generation’s greatest needs is to simply redefine marriage from God’s perspective, and help us with making informed choices whether we are married, single and searching, or wanting to live a single life for good.
Read Genesis 2:15-24
We need to  get the pressure off marriage. It feels to me like every singles hangout or sermon is a coded message asking, Utaoa lini?  “When will you get married?” What we have to do is simply break down the institution of marriage. Look at it like you would from a bird’s eye view. And discover what it should look like. This will give us the power to make Godly informed choices. And whether you will end up married or single, there are valuable truths to glean from this conversation because Godly and informed choices bring me joy and peace in my future.
What is marriage?
Marriage is not a contract; it’s a covenant relationship in which a man and a woman are united together as one in order to accomplish God’s purpose for their lives. (Genesis 2:24)
What is a covenant? Smith’s Bible Dictionary defines covenant as a solemn agreement between two parties, with witnesses, where both parties agree to fulfill certain conditions and thereby receive certain advantages. A contract and a covenant are different.

• A covenant is based on trust between parties. A contract is based on distrust.
• A covenant is based on unlimited responsibility. A contract involves limited liability.
• A covenant cannot be broken if new circumstances occur. A contract can be voided by mutual consent. See the obvious differences between the two?

Godly and informed choices bring me joy and peace in my future.

What is the basic qualification for marriage?

1. Being of legal marriageable age in your country/state.
2. You love each other, and want to spend the rest of your lives together.
3. Scripturally, a Christian should only marry another Christian.

Why are there increasing numbers of older singles today? (and it’s not just women)
This is a difficult issue, one that cannot be resolved in one answer, but one many are asking that it’s spoken into nonetheless. From what feedback, surveys and conversations are saying, few things are starting to stand out, because this is a cultural issue.  Here are some of them

1. People are spending more time in school and career preparation. By the time they want to concentrate on marriage, their potential mates have moved on. The pool of people to marry from is greatly reduced.
2. People have become too choosy. With increasing exposure to different cultures and higher levels of education, people find themselves being fussy about whom they feel fits into their desired world and do not want to compromise that at all.
3. The Blurring of gender: Because of the push for gender equality, men becoming more effeminate and women more masculine (in terms of leadership), some men feel like marrying will mean they have to let the woman be dominant in the relationship while women feel like they will have to lose their identity to become wives.

I honestly believe that this situation can begin to be addressed when we begin to understand God’s intended purpose for marriage, and that clearly knowing what marriage is will help us make informed, godly choices which will result in joyful and peaceful futures.

Godly and informed choices bring me joy and peace in my future

So what is the purpose of marriage?

1. Companionship. (To have a friend): 6 times in creation, God says it’s good. But in Gen 2: 18, God says it’s not good for man to be alone. We are relational creatures, not created to live in isolation. Marriage was ordained to provide companionship throughout life. To compliment us and meet our primary relational needs. Survey shows that marriages that last are when the two become friends for life.
2. Support (To have help):  I will make him a helper fit for him vs. 18. We are created to need help.  One of the things marriage does is kill an unhealthy independent spirit and self-centeredness. When we are married, it’s so we can have a constant support base to live life. We have someone to help, encourage, correct and challenge us when the need arises. The pressure of life is lessened when we have someone to bear it with. Someone we are yoked together with so we can plough together through life.
3. Bearing and Rearing (Kids): Marriage was designed to have children in it and for them to be raised knowing and loving God. Nothing God gives us is to die with us! He intended it handed down to a generation. Every child has a divine plan in them, and parents are entrusted to shape them for it, and lead them well. A godly marriage is the place God intended for the nurture to take place. Where single parents exist, I believe God grants great grace when we ask Him, and help to parent kids as we should.
4. Enjoyment (To have Fun):  Amazingly, God wants marriage, the deepest of all relationships to produce enjoyment. This comes from doing ‘life’ together, not separately. It’s found in sexual intimacy that’s to be in the marriage exclusively.  When spouses become friends, their intimacy is satisfying and a safeguard against infidelity. In marriage, we have someone to laugh, play and share our happy days with.
5. Witness (To Tell a Story). In Eph 5: 31-33) Paul compares marriage to the story of love between God and his people, the church. When husbands love their wives selflessly, being willing to die for them, and when wives submit to their husbands out of respect and love, in a commitment that cannot be broken, it tells a powerful story to the world of how Christ and his church (His Bride) relate to one another

Godly and informed choices bring me joy and peace in my future

So what is God calling us to? I simply believe we need to re-look at what we have believed about marriage in light of God’s truth. If we can realign our beliefs with God’s truth, then we will begin to make Godly and informed choices that will bring us joy and peace in the area of marriage.
Whether you are going to end up in marriage or not, it’s important to make sure that your choice and decision is NOT baggage determined, Pain controlled or lie centered. Don’t rush to get married to get ‘fixed’ and don’t choose singleness to remain ‘safe’. Both these choices are built on negative experiences and could potentially bring us pain and regret later on.  Marriage choice will have a big impact on the future of our families and the people we love and influence.

Godly and Informed choices bring me joy and peace in my future