Battle of the Sexes

image by bryantarchway.com

Gender differences have been touted as the ultimate relationship challenge and the source of constant frustration among people in relationships. Many people have settled for stereotypes and thus ended up branding men as ‘this’ or women as ‘that’.  But are our differences a bad thing or a unique feature meant to help us learn how to serve each other? Are they hindrances or should they motivate us to be a blessing to one another? They present needs that people we are in relationship with have, but which we are naturally unaware of. How do we grow in understanding so we grow healthy relationships between single men and women.

READ  Psalms 139:13-14

The Bible affirms our differences. It says they are intentional from how God made us. God created our gender, and gave it to us as a gift for life. Whether we are men or women, we are a wonderful piece of God’s work. Our next text introduces us to WHAT we are to DO with our gift of gender. Galatians 5:13-15 says;

13For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. 14For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”c 15But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.

We are called to serve one another, in other words, to look out for one another. The true power of our genders in fully expressed when we serve one another. When instead of focusing on what we can GET from others, we focus on how we can BETTER others. The truth is, true happiness never comes from getting, BUT always from SERVING! Paul is asking us to aim higher in our relationships!

Everybody wins when we serve each other!

So what do Men really want?

Let me state I’m not going to be talking down on any of the sexes; because I want all of us to win. We need to face up some facts if we are willing to be a healthy community.

Men want respect: Respecting a man qualifies everything else a woman does for him. Esteem causes a man to settle into a place of functional authority in a situation or relationship and draw out the leader/giver/servant in him. It means respecting his judgments (That he knows what he is doing), respecting his abilities (gifting, talent and what he’s good at) and Public respect (DO NOT criticize a man publicly, it simply emasculates him). You respect him for who HE IS, not what he does.
Men want Sex: Sex is very close to the male psyche, because of the visual nature of the masculine nature, and the hormone testosterone. The strength of this desire points to an extremely crucial truth. The battle to live a governed sex life is one we are signed up from birth, and MUST be won. It’s a good fight by the way. This want is one of men’s greatest kryptonite and must be ferociously reserved for marriage. Remember, true living is about serving not getting.
Emotional Safety: Men are emotional, but do not express it with ease as women do. Being emotionally vulnerable for a man needs a safe place or trust for openness with his emotions. For a man to bare his soul there needs to be relationship/trust and confidence that his vulnerabilities will be covered.
Everybody wins when we serve each other!

What do women really want?

They want tender love and care: Because of their nurturing ability, which is an incredible gift by the way, ladies expect tenderness and care in return. Because, this is the language a woman fully understands.  This is popularly known as romance. Romance: Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love: Women place a high value on their feelings, and because to the female brain everything is interconnected, feeling emotionally fulfilled sets the tone for every other area of life to feel cared for.
Security: God made women physically smaller to remind us of the beauty of vulnerability. For any single lady, a life protected from harm is a big deal. Because of the nature of our society, protection from physical harm is of utmost importance to women.
Good leadership: Women desire to be led in good and godly fashion, and they thrive when men step up to lead. According to Women, when men lead, it does two things. One, it shows they are committed to the relationship, and secondly, it frees them from the need to baby a grown man!

Everybody wins when we serve each other!

What do great men do?

Good men protect themselves and the women in their lives. Great honor comes to the man that’s proactive in his relationships. Every man has physical and emotional strength that are a god given gift to govern himself and others in relationship with him. Morally upright men create abuse free relationships
  Great men live aware: 
Of their sexual weakness. They are Serious about watching their moral life.  They take great strides to guard what they watch, how they interact with women and what boundaries to put up. Job 31:1
Of their need for God. True strength is not self sufficiency, but leaning on the ultimate man that’s able to help us navigate our manhood. That man is Jesus. Aim higher in your spiritual walk.  Sign up for Mizizi, join a LG, and serve at Church. We NEED godly men because godliness will always earn you greatness. We need Godly men because godly men can be trusted!
Of Their need to be influenced right. They proactively engage other men that shape them and allow them to be vulnerable in relationship because this doesn't come naturally for men. Think about your top 3 men that are influencing you now?
Great men provide leadership that’s unashamed. They lead by pointing others to aim higher in life and relationships. They lead women by not p  laying with their emotions. They don’t allow their brothers to become entangled in potentially destructive habits. They create honor, where men’s natural tendencies would be to selfishly use women for self gain.
Everybody wins when we serve each other

What do great women do?

Great women live aware
Of the power of their sexuality. Femininity has great power to influence men. Great women govern their conduct, where and how they conduct their lives so not to create brokenness by using sexuality to take advantage of men.
Of their need to control. Intuition is a powerful gift to women from God (Evie’s story). However, once women gain trust, smart women trust God’s leadership for their lives, and their men.
Of their emotional fragility. A woman’s esteem is fragile; this sets them up to be easily manipulated. An out of balance woman can carry the blame, shame and guilt for other peoples faults. And if not checked, it can ruin their entire lives. This is why it’s important for women to hear the truth of God’s word about themselves EVERYDAY.
Great women nurture rather than steal potential: Every woman has a God given ability to incubate, bring forth and nurture from seed to greatness.  Give a woman a seed, and you’ll have a baby, groceries a meal, a house and you’ll get a home. Good women don’t sell themselves short of this power by seeking out accomplished and made BUT TAKEN men!
Great women follow and influence in the same measure. Good women know that following is not subjugation, but is rather a key to influence. It gives access to information and opportunity to influence relationships profoundly.

Everybody wins when we serve each other

Think about what it would be like if we became a community of not just a few good men and women, but a whole community of people that actually are looking out for each other, and helping each other win in relationships. What if every woman that came into contact with the men here would be loved, protected and blessed and led by godly men that were unashamed about their faith and passion. What if the men would be respected, esteemed saluted  as men who instead of taking advantage of women, rather serve and create a community that will be emulated in all of Africa?

Everybody wins when we serve each other