Out Of Character

Another Gem of a piece from my friend Fred Geke. 

During my primary school days, being caned was a ritual of sorts that had to happen daily. Every time we did something wrong or failed to do something, we were summarily caned. If neither happened, some teacher would come up with something that would justify a few lashes. We were caned individually, and we were caned in groups. We were caned on the buttocks and on the palms of our hands. When the teachers got tired caning us, they got us to cane one another. And we all accepted this as a reasonable part of the learning process.

One day during evening parade, the teacher on duty randomly summoned a bunch of us to the centre of the parade ground and commanded us to lie down. He went on to administer a thorough beating. In the course of the beating, a fountain pen I had in my back pocket broke in half and spilled its contents, staining my shorts. As soon as we were dismissed, my step-sister – on seeing that ink stain – ran home and reported to my mum that not only had I been beaten for no reason, but that I had bled in the process.

My mum is normally a very calm, non-confrontational person. But when she heard the word “blood”, she lost it. The following morning she made her way to the school demanding answers. By the time she was done speaking her mind, the offending teacher and the headmaster had not only apologized for the assault, but also promised to replace the pen that had been broken.

It’s not in my Mum’s character to do this sort of thing, but when it needed to be done, she mustered enough courage, enough confrontation, enough anger, enough “out-of-character” to do what had to be done.

Each person is inclined towards certain things and away from others. Some things come naturally to us while others are next to impossible. Yet life does not exempt us from situations that demand what we do not have or believe we cannot do. The fact that our job brings in a measly package does not stop our children from receiving an invitation letter from the faculty of medicine. The fact that we fear snakes does not stop one from slithering into the very room where our baby is asleep.

With this understanding that life will sometimes ask of us what we do not have, we must constantly be prepared to do what we have never done before, or thought we could never do. We must always be prepared to be asked of what we do not have or go where we never thought we could go.

Most parents dearly love their children and find it difficult to say “No!” If you truly love your children, there will arise a situation or two that will demand a firm “No!” It will either be that or the possible destruction of a child. For that one occasion you will just have to find that non-negotiable “over my dead body!”

Sometimes we find ourselves in a toxic, destructive relationship. But since we “don’t like hurting people” we hang on as our life ebbs away. True, some people find it difficult to hurt others. Yet there will always be that situation that demands that we hurt someone so that we may save their life and ours.

Most people cannot manage more than a few minutes of prayer. Yet there may come a day that brings along with it pain so deep and injustice so gross that your only response would be hours on your face as you try to drain out the sorrow and darkness engulfing your soul. Your lack of previous experience will not matter; your aching soul will demand that you keep going until it finds relief.

Life will pass you by if you do not learn to develop “out-of-character” responses when they are demanded of you. Be prepared to muster strength you never thought you had. Not because you discovered you have it but because special circumstances have demanded it and you have to somehow find it.

The fact that we hate mathematics does not prove that we cannot handle math at all. The fact that we are non-confrontational does not mean that our life’s lot is to have everyone walk all over us. The fact that we are poor does not mean that we are exempted from experiencing all of life’s goodness.

If we dig really deep, we will find that thing we never thought we had so that we may respond to the occasion that demands it. 

“Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees the others.” Aristotle