Funny Definitions

How you define life determines what you get out of it.
Here's something to laugh about. Seriously!

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end& an idiot at the other.

2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.

4. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

6. Conference/Seminar: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power...

8. Classic: A book which, people praise but do not read.

9. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

10. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

11. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

12. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

13. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

14. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

15. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

16. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

17. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

18. Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

19. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

20. Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

21. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

22. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

23. Employee: One who gets paid for reading such definitions......!!!
Top of Form
Bottom of Form

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Single Ladies, Get your own man!

Image
So I was reading that Linda Muthama proudly calls herself Nyambane’s second wife. He is managing more than just her ‘music affairs’ as well. Has a baby by him and the usual blah blah… By the way, all this has happened a while back And of course as usual, it was fodder for the blogs and media. Worst of all, there were chics telling Linda to do what she wants, it’s her life. Now, I don’t know whether to just rant or try and put this entire mountain of a relationship stink-hog in perspective. Because something stinks. And it stinks to high heaven. Someone ought to call it what it is; Relationship bull. When a single young woman of notable influence in this country, goes ahead and becomes a second wife to a man of equal media exposure and women go ahead and cheer her on, something is wrong! Terribly wrong! You see the truth of the matter is; you single young thing, building a man, a marriage and a family is work. Loads of it. By the time you see a ‘made’ man, some of you
Read more

Manners Please boys

Image
First up, apologies for not posting for a while. My involvement with a new online project, plus looking for the elusive dollar has kept me away. But I'm back. So here goes! The golden age of fine wining and dining has seemingly been replaced by our quick instant lifestyles that allow very little time for anything. microwaves, email, instant coffee, MTV, Tyra Banks, Maina and Kingangi in the morning.... its all fast paced. And so has the approach to relationships become. Kila kitu ni chap chap. Including the meet-ups. We do twitter, Facebook, then Sms, by the time a week is over, we are having sex online. That's just how fast paced its become. But I'm not complaining about it, its just that now, because of how easy it is to meet someone and talk over gadgets without physically taking the effort to be there and work on the relationships, there is a group of young men who honestly have no idea on how to treat a woman. Zero Bilaz Wako dooooooooooown! So it's easy
Read more

How to talk to Men

Image
Personalities notwithstanding, there is a way to talk to Men. It may sound incredulous at first, but hang with me. It sometimes seems almost impossible to get through to a man's thick skull. It's like hitting your fist against a wall trying to have him listen, co-operate and fully grasp with intent everything you are trying to tell him. Well, here's the biggest mistake most women make in their attempt to talk to the masculine type. They talk to them like they talk to women. And it fails Every-time. Surprised? well, you shouldn't be. Men are different from women, especially when it comes to 'hearing'. By that, it's not just what you're churning from your mouth, nope. It's two critical components of any conversation. Tone of voice and body language. 1. When you talk to a man, make sure you get into his head before you start rolling. Men process one thing at a time. If a guys mind is on something, he may be looking at you, smiling at you, holding
Read more